“Asian American” is a term I’m quite familiar with, yet hadn’t given much thought to until recently. Last week, I was given the opportunity to attend a weeklong Buddhist meditation retreat, which sounded very relaxing but proved to be challenging in many ways.
Beyond the physical test of sitting cross-legged on the floor for an hour at a time, there was also the very clear revelation of just how American I am. The fact I was born and raised in Houston, Texas was evident as the monk and group were mainly Mandarin-speaking Chinese. Add to this that most were practicing Buddhists.
Admittedly, I felt like a fish out of water when it came to meditation and mindfulness. Despite being retired, my time has been tethered to tasks and being as efficiently productive as possible. Slowing down, living deeply, and staying connected to Spirit weren’t on my To Do list.
Being present to enjoy the moment was often crowded out by thoughts of the past or plans for the future. Judgments of myself, others, and the state of the world only brought anxiety and weariness – not the life Jesus wanted or promised for me.
How many times have I read, “do not let your hearts be troubled and neither be afraid…” yet choose to be both?! This is when I must remind myself that Jesus overcame the world and not allow dark whispers to drown out the Spirit’s still, small Voice.
Buddhists teach detachment from “defilements” of greed, hatred, and delusion; anything separating us from peace. Enlightenment comes when we are completely devoid of the entanglements of this world: nirvana.
Interestingly, many of the Buddhist teachings mirror my own faith journey. Releasing negative thoughts and letting go of constant striving are certainly beneficial to my walk and keeping my Peace: “Be in this world, not of it…” Treating all living beings with loving kindness: “Love one another…” Both solid foundational life lessons.
And while these two faith traditions have their overlap, my own Journey is steeped in the Christian roots of America. Confronting this intersection of being an American in an Asian body is unsettling – neither fully one nor the other – and this has been made abundantly clear these last few years.
As humans, we are quick to define and categorize people and things; it’s how our minds work to organize our thoughts. But there’s a vast difference between God’s Wisdom and human understanding, “For My Thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways, My Ways.”
Thankfully, God calls me “beloved child,” and my differences are glorious just like the diversity of all Creation. I embrace my Asian heritage alongside my American upbringing, fusing them into the wholeness of me exactly as God planned.
Will I ever reach nirvana? Probably not, only Jesus was perfect, and nirvana is not my goal. Yet God sees beyond my human confines into limitless opportunities.
I believe my Call is to shine God’s Light and share God’s Presence with all who cross my Path in my own imperfect yet fabulous way. My commitment is to keep learning, keep growing, and, most importantly, keep the faith!
Namaste,
Lilly Chu
Lay Delegate
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